Shock and Awful: The Year in Review
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by Kurt Poeltl

Before we recall 2003 let's first flashback to the 80's to gain some perspective: when bin Laden and Saddam were our allies and Mike Tyson was a boxer; when Britney Spears was only a zygote and zygotes didn't have rights; when the Patriot Act was only a play in Boston and George W. Bush was just another failed businessman with a DUI (five more Bush attacks to go).

Yes, I see it now. 2003 was definitely a bizarro year. Republicans supported nat-ion building (abroad, at least), while Democrats opposed nation building abroad (eventually). The Republican-controlled federal government charged a half trillion dollars to the next generation, while the Democrats voted against Medicare expansion.

It was a year that defined patriotism as keeping your opinions to yourself. Dem-ocratic France was our enemy, and oppressive Russia was our ally. The Rolling Stones played China (hold the Brown Sugar), and Paul McCartney got Back in the U.S.S.R for the first time. Sodomy was legalized in Texas, and Madonna published a children's book. Bush made good on his pledge to fund Americorp, and the Raelians cloned a human (I may have to fact check that last sentence.)

Was it just ten months ago that people were actually enthusiastic about The Matrix, while the threat of terrorism and SARS loomed large? Canadians wore surgical masks, and we bought duct tape and plastic sheeting. Interestingly enough, on American soil in 2003, SARS killed as many people as did terrorists: zero. Knock on wood for '04. Regardless, we'll still be told to break out the duct tape in time for the general election.

There were many other happenings in 2003 that never quite happened. Not only were the top two despots in the Middle East never eliminated, but moreover the anthrax killer has yet to face our criminal system juggernaut. Nor was Ken - I've got a friend in the White House - Lay ever cha-rged with a crime, some three years after his Enron company gouged Middle America and California. Rest easy though pushy Martha Stewart, public-enemy-number-one, has finally been charged.

It was a year aviation lost some altitude. The Concorde took off and landed for the last time (and I almost had enough frequent flyer miles). While seriously and tragically the space shuttle Col-umbia only took off.

Back on a lighter note, the not-so-Air Jordan hung up his short pants for the third and final time, and Sampras hung up his racket for the first time. Pete's allowed a comeback in two years, Michael's not.

Mr. Rogers' cardigan was hung up for him. But we can all find solace in some of his words of wisdom, "When you see scary television, you can turn it off." This is a considerable sentiment indeed, when the most celebrated media events of the year were Clay and Ruben's sing-off and the wedding of Trista and Ryan.

Yes, these are truly frightening times if you watch the television: nine-year-old act-ress, Dakota Fanning, is better spoken than the White House resident is.

If you're cursed with an affinity for reading the newspaper, then this definitely wasn't your year, either. You will have noticed the addition of the FDA to the long list of federal regulatory boards that have been usurped by industry lobbyists. The others, the SEC, the FCC, and the EPA, were all purchased by big business long before ... well, long before Madonna wrote childrens' books.

Speaking of business unabashedly controlling government: what year in review would not be complete without the Pentagon's appetites? The department whose military spending has finally surpassed that of the rest of the world, combined.

From the Pentagon, this year, many lofty ideas were hatched from great minds like John Poindexter (Iran-Contra felon). The Total Information Awareness program made Orwell's 1984 look like the 'Spirit of 1776' -- if you'll forgive the increasingly worn Orw-ellian metaphor. But this paled in comparison to the utter poor taste of the Pentagon's pilot program to have Internet wagering on future terrorist attacks.

At least Israel and Palestine have made some progress. From what I read, supporters are optimistic, although critics are still weary.

So what was new about 2003? What will historians say about the year? The biggest news, of course, was the war. As Americans we can be proud that we wasted little time in christening in the new millennium, standing tall against a new enemy, Afgan-iraq-orea. This sends a strong message to the next country that try and denies they have WMDs (which is proof of something, in and by itself we're told.)

Or at least, we will bring freedom to these nations' oppressed peoples, for either as long as it takes or until we can't remember why we tried. But probably not to the Congo, where the civil war death toll has reached three million in the last five years.

So much more to acknowledge, so little parchment. Go SAT format: Annika Sor-enstan is to golf, as Aaron Ralston (the dude who cut his arm off with a Spork) is to hiking. John Ashcroft is to the Constitution, as Kobe Bryant is to desk clerks. Conservative Bill Bennett is to gambling, as conservative Rush Limbaugh is to drugs. Operation Iraq is to mission creep, as Dick Cheney is to mission Creep. Sammy Sosa is to corked bat for practice, as Jessica Lynch is to gun jam for combat. Michael Jackson is to...nevermind.

This year also witnessed the passing of Abba Eban at the age of 87. A staunch defender of Israel and supporter of peace, it is Eban who coined the sentiment, "When all else fails, men turn towards reason." That will be interesting to watch.

Looking Forward to Some Downtime

by Tracy Held

The first clue that I was doing too much was when I bought a copy of "Medita-tions for Women Who Do Too Much" by Anne Wilson Schaff for a friend and kept it for myself.

Driving, BARTing, busing and walking six hours a day roundtrip for work should have been a redflag. Getting home just in time to have half a night's sleep should have been too. Maybe having three jobs while going to school and trying to maintain a relationship was the real culprit.

At any rate, it was my absent-minded doctor who determined that my second virus of the semester was probably related to my schedule. One week of being in bed, focusing on nothing but consuming enough water and episodes of "24" was the most relaxing of the whole semester. Sure, my throat was dry, scratchy and phle-gmy, but at least I didn't have to get up at 5:20 in the morning to catch a 45 min-ute bus to connect with a one hour BART ride, a ten min-ute bus and then another ten minute walk to get to work.

A very sick part of me feels satisfied at being able to endure this stress and still succeed.

Schaff wrote, "When we are surrounded by women who also rush around, are always busy, work too much, and take care of everyone, we seem normal."

As I'm becoming more conscious of my illness to do everything and please everyone, I'm more aware of other people who do the same. Oprah often talks about women's "disease to please." We want to do so much for other people that we become addicted to helping and feeling wanted and useful, often at the expense of our own health and needs. When is it safe to quit and be selfish?

Right now.

Schaff's book is becoming the guiding force in my life.

For the longest time, I excused my busyness by insisting that I love everything I do. In fact, I wished I could do more!

Learning excites me and makes me feel richer as a person. Working with kids lightens my heart and puts my knowledge to use. Wor-king for a publication prepares me for the future. Making money doesn't hurt either. The thought of losing any of these things truly depresses me. I feel sad about letting the kids and my co-workers down.

At the same time, I feel sad missing out on social events because I'm too tired from commuting. And I feel pathetic putting in partial effort on a project because I have to rush off to do something else.

Recently, I've had some positive role models. Some people tell me that I do too much. Others just live the way I want to live. I want to minimize my commitments to the point that I can have a do-nothing day every week and spend more of my time doing things that can only benefit me, such as exercising and trimming my fingernails on a regular basis.

So far, I've already given my two-weeks notice for one job and let the second know that I may soon be focusing my energies elsewhere. I also started scheduling in no-plans days to encourage sleeping in and spontaneous adventures.

In the meantime, there's a collection of "24" DVD's with my name on it, and I'm not even sick!