Book Review: 'Tell All' oozes washed-up Hollywood glam

By Hannah WeinerThe Guardsman

Chuck Palahniuk’s latest novel,  “Tell-All”, is about a washed-up actress named Katherine “Miss Kathie”  Kenton and her confidant, Hazie Coogan, who is not only her maid but  also the force behind Katherine’s glamorous facade.

Palahniuk  always seems to find new ways to tell his stories. Possibly his most  famous work “Fight Club,” which was published in 1996 and made into a  movie in 1999, was told by an unnamed narrator with two personalities.

“Tell-All”  reads like a screenplay, which is quite clever of the author. Each  chapter — or act — opens with a different camera angle. With the  exception of voice-overs, the story is told by Hazie.

It is  Hazie’s responsibility to hold Katherine’s life together because the  actress is often too sedated and emotional to do much for herself.

When  the often-married and divorced actress meets potential suitor Webster  Carlton Westward III, Hazie steps in to prevent catastrophe. Katherine  has encountered such men before who simply use her and leave her  heartbroken. Hazie does her best to thwart Webster’s efforts by  rescheduling dates and not giving Katherine her messages from Webster.

It’s  vintage Palahniuk: dark, creative, vulgar and hilarious, and littered  with little buzz words and coined phrases like “was-bands,” in reference  to her ex-husbands; “projectile praise,” the overabundant compliments  Katherine receives; and “funeral flirtation,” which is pretty  self-explanatory.

Palahniuk name drops incessantly. Classic  actors like Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn and Bette Davis are printed in  boldface for the reader’s viewing pleasure. This book could very likely  inspire a night of renting old classic movies — especially if you don’t  know who any of these people are.

He’s making some underlying  commentary about Hollywood starlets as well. At one point in the novel,  Katherine Kenton holds auditions for a baby she can adopt. However, the  infants either don’t match her home decor or just simply cry too much  and so her efforts to become a diva-mother are in vain. It’s hard to  ignore the parallel with current celebrities who adopt children like  it’s the greatest fad since skinny jeans.

My only qualm with the  book is how difficult it is to relate to the characters. Their dialogue  exchanges are hilarious and their quirky personalities entertaining, but  I didn’t really connect with any of them; they’re just too extreme to  be real people.
I think any member of the Chuck Palahniuk cult will  love “Tell-All” just as much as his previous 12 novels.